Three Wishes

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk."I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of story: always let your boss have the first say.



Lose Your Wife

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.

The lab tech says, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith went as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, the news is either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for syphilis. We can't tell which is your wife."

"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?"

"Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town - if she finds her way home, don't screw her."




The Comeback

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and, while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby, all alone.

He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it, she is his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman.

She looks at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.
The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants."

The man, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her and it read: "Just so you know-I happen to have a Rolls, BMW, and a Mercedes in my garage; plus I have over two million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my penis! Just send the bottle back...